header

Jeanelle's Blog

Jeanelle's Blog

Subscribe to feed Latest Entries

Empty Nest

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Friday, 11 May 2012 Category Dr. Jeanelle™ 0 Comment

When They are Gone...

what's left?

By Dr. Jeanelle - Advice Columnist

 

 

Its that time of the year again; spring is ending and the summer is soon upon us. Our younger kids are wrapping up the school year, taking finals to show what they've learned in the past semester. An our older children are preparing to head off to college in the fall. Having a child in college and meeting mothers of kids his age who were headed off as well, I noticed that there was a common anxiety amongst the mothers. They were all challenged with the sadness of having their child(ren) leave the nest.

 

It can be challenging when your child is leaving to being on their own but it doesn't have to be. As mothers it becomes our duty to teach our kids right from wrong and protect them from any hurt, harm and danger. Children become our lives and all that we know. We tend to want to keep our babies babies as long as we can. Its understandable, I love my boys a lot too; we have a bond that is unbreakable and will stand the test of time. However, I took a lesson from birds and some other animals and accepted that eventually our babies grow up and leave and I needed to start preparing for that in the beginning.

 

Experiencing my mothers anxiety when it was time for me to leave the nest was hard for her and for me. Unknowing to my mother it was a lot of pressure on me to be her life. I wanted to learn things on my own and not be coddled; I wanted her to have a life so that I could have my own. As I got older and had my own children I recalled my mother's reaction to my leaving and made two decisions: 1)I made sure I had a life outside of my boys and 2) I allowed them to grow and go. While my boys were growing up I grew and changed as they grew and their needs changed.

 

While raising my boys I would always take time to 'be me'. While they napped I would draw, write, read or dream, just so that I focused on myself at some point in the day. I knew how important it was for me to keep a part of me no matter what; I had to embrace that I was not just a mother. I reminded myself every day that I am Jeanelle and I always will be, no matter the title.

 

We can't get lost in the title 'mommy', we can't forget who we were before and we can't miss out on who we can become afterwards. Lets hold on to those dreams we had and every day take time, even if just fifteen minutes, let's take time to think of ourselves. We have to get a life moms, our kids wont be here always and to soften the blow of when the nest is empty we have to already have something going on to occupy our minds.

 

As I counsel moms who are going through the empty nest syndrome, I teach them to adjust to where their children are when it relates to independence. Every child relies on their mom a lot in the beginning, but as the seasons come and go so will a child's need for their mother's help. As they grow they rely more on their instincts and not necessarily our advice (that'll come once they reach adulthood). I let moms know that this shouldn't be a blow to them. I tell them that they should look at their child's independence as and example of how strong of a child they raised. When a child is ready to do things on their own this shows strong of a character. It shows that you mom, have helped build confidence in them through the guidance you have given them. Finally I have them write down to remind themselves this one statement - When my child is ready to have me loosen the strings they're not rejecting me! Its just time for them to go and grow!

 

Encouraging you to be the best you,

Dr. Jeanelle

Tags: Summer Break, Summer, College, Family Counseling, Advice, Parents, Parenting, Emtpy Nest, Mother's Day, Mothers
Read More
Hits: 122

P.A.U.S.E for Beauty

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Thursday, 10 May 2012 Category Dr. Jeanelle™ 0 Comment

P.A.U.S.E for Beauty

 

the P.A.U.S.E. Method - how to embrace your beauty

 

 

 

 

 

P - Ponder on why you feel the way you do about what you see.

A - Accept what you see as being your signature beauty

U - Understand you're unique for a reason

S - Say "I'm beautiful to me and what others say to me has nothing to do with me"

E - Embrace your true beauty knowing the make up just enhances whats already there!

 

Santa Monica Beach was so beautiful today; my family and I (minus one) was there today bonding as a family. After I attended the Mom Blog Summit yesterday at the UCLA Family Commons I was inspired to start blogging on a regular basis. I met a lot of wonderful ladies who proved that blogging can be a life style that is beneficial to them as well as the readers. Every one of us moms have something we can share with other moms that can help make their lives better than the day before. Its time for moms to uplift and encourage each other because the more moms or women for that matter, unite there's nothing we cant conquer in our personal and professional lives.

 

The Mom Blogger Summit got me to thinking about what challenges myself as a mom has faced and overcome. I started thinking about it and got a tweet that sparked my interest and hit on a topic I am passionate about. The tweet talked about women being too busy to put on make up when they leave the house. The tweet asked what did we feel about always leaving the house with makeup and how we felt about leaving the house without makeup. I posted I felt that we make time for things we want to make time for. I proceeded to say that if women wanted to put on make up every day they could pick an "everyday" face and practice it until it becomes second nature to them to put it on. When I answered the second part of the question I was able to share my challenge with this very issue. I am 40 and am just now getting into wearing make up. Not because I needed to but because I wanted to.

 

I wanted to put on makeup because I felt so ugly growing up and the older I got the worse I started feeling about myself. I was teased so much for how I looked that I started believing it. I wanted to cover up what I felt wasn't good enough to see. I needed help and I began taking makeup lessons from a Mary Kay Consultant and my photographer. I felt empowered and pretty but not beautiful. I didn't see or feel what I wanted to. I needed to figure out what was going on because everyone else said I was beautiful but I didn't agree so I P.A.U.S.E.(d)

 

I Pondered on why I was feeling like I did by asking myself 'was what I was feeling true?' and 'to whose standard was I being compared to?' I would honestly answer those questions and then Accept what I saw in the mirror. I would accept what couldn't be changed and then make a decision on 'if I would or would not change what could be changed'. Next I would Understand that I am unique and look like I do for a reason. Once I understood that my look was unique I chose to continually Say to myself that I am beautiful in my own skin and that what others say about me has nothing to do with the truth. We have to learn to talk to ourselves - we need to become our own cheerleaders. The more I spoke these truths to myself I was able to Embrace my true beauty and love what I saw every time I looked in the mirror. With or Without make up.

Every day we must embrace who we are and what we look like because we were created this way for a reason.

 

Because I learned to P.A.U.S.E when I started thinking negative about how I look - I can NOW confidently leave my home to run errands without make up on and own my beauty no matter what looks I get. My goal is to inspire YOU to see that you don't have to wear make up every day when there's something more beautiful under that make up - your natural beauty.

 

 

Inspiring you to be your best,

Dr. Jeanelle

Lets connect via:

Http://www.DrJeanelle.com

Twitter - @DrJeanelle.com

Facebook - /DrJeanelle

Tags: UCLA Family Commons, Mom Bloggers, Santa Monica Beach, Make Up, Make-up, Makeup, Mothers Day, Mother's Day, Moms
Read More
Hits: 124

UnSung Hero

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Sunday, 06 May 2012 Category Dr. Jeanelle™ 0 Comment

Enough is Enough....
Moms do for yourself!

By Dr. Jeanelle™
The SOULutions™ Advice Columnist

 

 

 

Every day I get up, say my prayers, my Daily SOULutions, and then I'm hustling to build my Brand - Dr. Jeanelle - Iron WoMan Inc™ all while being a Mom-ager and having MS, Fibromyaliga and Neurapathy (carpal tunnel in all of my joints). I have goals and ambition so regardless of how I am feeling I have things to do; I have an empire to build for my children and my children's children! They should have the opportunities to do things and meet anyone they want to meet; they deserve to have the chances I never had at their age and I don't mean it in that cliche way. What I mean is if they want to change the world and need to be heard people will take the time to listen to them because they are known for what they say and can do. Yes, by all means I wan them to meet high-profile people because sometimes you have to know people to do the things we were born to do but more importantly I want high-profile people to want to know them.

 

As parents we are here to leave an inheritance to our children and our children's children and I'm working on it daily. Many have an idea of what they think it is like to be a stay at home mom but they have no idea what it takes, especially when you add on being a MOMager for two teenage boys who have big dreams. My youngest, D. Omari Gordon is a model, musician, and budding artist and my oldest. R. Marqueze Gordon is an actor, singer, musician, dancer, budding director (theres always a way to plug business in! Just saying). Their dreams are big to me, probably bigger than they have for themselves and thats saying a lot because they are humbly confident of where they will be. I love my boys and my husband but sometimes I just need a Me day - Enough is Enough!

 

Although we stay-at-home moms are at home a lot of the day doesn't mean we're not working. Whether we are cleaning the house, cooking, loving our kids our spouses,or running our own business we are busy and we deserve a break. Moms, we must take time to rest, breathe and give our minds a break. Think about nothing and no one but ourselves. We deserve to be pampered and poured back into. I know that sometimes we feel guilty taking a little 'time off' but we have to push through the guilt and realize that if we're not at the top of our game our family wont be at their best either.

 

Our families and homes run smoothly when we are running smoothly. If we're happy they are happy and when our day is going horribly most likely our household is too. Mothers are the glue to the family and when the glue isn't sticking things fall apart. There's a lot of pressure on (stay-at-home) moms and that pressure can be overwhelming unless we unwind.

 

Starting today do something for yourself everyday, even if its just a walk around the block do it and do it alone or with a fellow girlfriend. You deserve some time where you're not 'mom', 'honey', 'momager', 'chauffeur', 'cleaning lady' or whatever else it is you have to be during your normal day; you deserve time when you are Just You!

 

You're and Unsung Hero and you deserve to be honored!

 

Dr. Jeanelle

http:/www.DrJeanelle.com

Tags: UnSung Hero, Mothers Day, Dad, Husbands, children, Sons, Momager, Moms
Read More
Hits: 109

Starting Your Day

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Tuesday, 20 March 2012 Category Living 365 Days of S.W.A.G. 0 Comment

How You Start Your Morning

Determines How you End Your Day!


Mornings, the start of the day; The time of the day where its harder for most to start and it takes all of what's in them to get up and going. Im a morning person, not by choice but by nature. When in the military 5am was late lol. Once I got older I noticed that if I was having a bad morning my day went down from there; bad attitude bad day. When my youngest was in elementary, if he was having a bad morning it never failed - I'd get a call from the school! He would be acting out and causing ruckus. I started paying attention to his behavior and worked on making sure that he had good mornings! Good mornings Good day!

 

I created a morning ritual for him, his brother and myself; it was something quick that we could do during breakfast or on the quick ride to school. We came up with positive statements to quote and we only listened to positive music. I made sure our morning atmosphere was pleasant. Most of us are told that we need to feed our bodies first thing in the morning because food gives us the energy we need to keep moving through the day. Some exercise first thing to get their body going but just as important it is to feed our body, we need to get our mind on track too. We need to feed our minds with 'Good Food' first thing in the morning too!

 

I am not sure what time of the day it is where you are while you're reading this article but I want you to examine how you feel. Are you feeling good or bad? Is your day going according to how you feel? If you don't like the way you are feeling you can change it; if you don't like the way your day is going you can change that too. Right now weather its the beginning of your day or not you have the right to take a few minutes to feed your mind some 'Good Food'. You only need 5 - 10 minutes. Clear your mind with one or two uplifting songs or go to my tweets (http://www.twitter.com/DrJeanelle) and read my uplifting SOULutions quotes or subscribe to this blog; these three things will help to ignite your mind with positive juice. You'll see a difference in how you feel, what you think and how you begin to look at your surroundings.

 

Your mornings are yours to embrace, its a time to set the tone for your day and you're only going to be able to do that when you set aside morning 'You Time'. I know, you ALREADY get up early but your sanity is more important than losing 15 minutes sleep. However I know some of us still wont get up earlier than we already do so I suggest that when you're eating breakfast or are in the shower, play music that encourages you to be happy and positive; Do something that will make you get your mind off of whats wrong and focus on whats right. Make a Morning Playlist on your iPod or MP3 player, pop it on every morning and you'll see a difference in your attitude, ultimately determining how the rest of your day goes!

 

Every morning I make sure that before I get out of bed that I speak over my day. I say what I want my day to be and I start my day from there. I listen to uplifting Christian music to make sure my mind is only filled with things that are progressing me NOT keeping me back. Today I encourage you to do the same, write down what you want your days to be like quote them every morning when you get up. Then, pick out a few songs and create a Morning Playlist on your iPod and You be the dictator of your day!

 

Loving you Honestly,

 

Dr. Jeanelle


 

Tags: MP3, Solutions, Soulutions, Playlist, iPod, Christian Music, Life Coach, Counseling, Therapy, Prayer, God, Mornings
Read More
Hits: 81

Starting Your Day

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Tuesday, 20 March 2012 Category Living 365 Days of S.W.A.G. 0 Comment

How You Start Your Morning

Determines How you End Your Day!


Mornings, the start of the day; The time of the day where its harder for most to start and it takes all of what's in them to get up and going. Im a morning person, not by choice but by nature. When in the military 5am was late lol. Once I got older I noticed that if I was having a bad morning my day went down from there; bad attitude bad day. When my youngest was in elementary, if he was having a bad morning it never failed - I'd get a call from the school! He would be acting out and causing ruckus. I started paying attention to his behavior and worked on making sure that he had good mornings! Good mornings Good day!

 

I created a morning ritual for him, his brother and myself; it was something quick that we could do during breakfast or on the quick ride to school. We came up with positive statements to quote and we only listened to positive music. I made sure our morning atmosphere was pleasant. Most of us are told that we need to feed our bodies first thing in the morning because food gives us the energy we need to keep moving through the day. Some exercise first thing to get their body going but just as important it is to feed our body, we need to get our mind on track too. We need to feed our minds with 'Good Food' first thing in the morning too!

 

I am not sure what time of the day it is where you are while you're reading this article but I want you to examine how you feel. Are you feeling good or bad? Is your day going according to how you feel? If you don't like the way you are feeling you can change it; if you don't like the way your day is going you can change that too. Right now weather its the beginning of your day or not you have the right to take a few minutes to feed your mind some 'Good Food'. You only need 5 - 10 minutes. Clear your mind with one or two uplifting songs or go to my tweets (http://www.twitter.com/DrJeanelle) and read my uplifting SOULutions quotes or subscribe to this blog; these three things will help to ignite your mind with positive juice. You'll see a difference in how you feel, what you think and how you begin to look at your surroundings.

 

Your mornings are yours to embrace, its a time to set the tone for your day and you're only going to be able to do that when you set aside morning 'You Time'. I know, you ALREADY get up early but your sanity is more important than losing 15 minutes sleep. However I know some of us still wont get up earlier than we already do so I suggest that when you're eating breakfast or are in the shower, play music that encourages you to be happy and positive; Do something that will make you get your mind off of whats wrong and focus on whats right. Make a Morning Playlist on your iPod or MP3 player, pop it on every morning and you'll see a difference in your attitude, ultimately determining how the rest of your day goes!

 

Every morning I make sure that before I get out of bed that I speak over my day. I say what I want my day to be and I start my day from there. I listen to uplifting Christian music to make sure my mind is only filled with things that are progressing me NOT keeping me back. Today I encourage you to do the same, write down what you want your days to be like quote them every morning when you get up. Then, pick out a few songs and create a Morning Playlist on your iPod and You be the dictator of your day!

 

Loving you Honestly,

 

Dr. Jeanelle


 

Tags: MP3, Solutions, Soulutions, Playlist, iPod, Christian Music, Life Coach, Counseling, Therapy, Prayer, God, Mornings
Read More
Hits: 0

Shake It Off

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Monday, 19 March 2012 Category Dr. Jeanelle™ 0 Comment

Dr. Jeanelle

Shake it Off...

 

- What you're around you can/will become

 

 

 

What you hang around you have the potential to become! I learned that today. While waiting in the long line at the Seafood Store (which by the way smells of fried fish) my excitement grew because I have not had fresh fish in such a long time. There's about four people in front of us and they placed their order quickly. Its our turn to give the lady our fish for cleaning and what I thought included them cutting the fish too. As we wait for them to call our number and we start looking over the other fresh fish sitting on the ice displays in the middle of the isle. There were two different types of catfish, Mackerel, Parrot fish, squid and octopus to name a few. The experience took me back to when I was young and would go to the fish store with my granny. My excitement didn't last long because I allowed a behavior I unknowingly picked up from people I am around to manifest; I got angry and allowed myself to be put in a bad mood. This is not who I am and it upset me that I let a situation change my mood. How did this happen to me? I am a happy person who always believes the best of everyone and every situation....and it dawned on me - I have allowed the company I keep affect and infect me and today because I have recognized and acknowledged the root of the issue I can now change it.

 

I grew up in a time when getting yelled at was the only way parents got their point across; they would go off about every thing and they would always think the worse of any situation. Their statements were always negative and every positive statement was short lived and foreshadowed by negative ones. It was a draining way to live so I worked hard at not being that type of person to my boys and for the most part I succeeded. That is until I was around negative speaking people more than I was around people that knew how to speak positively. AND I don't mean all that 'you're the greatest OR everything is roses and sunflowers'. I mean speaking and believing the best of every situation. No matter how irritating a situation may become we will get more from it when we're calm than when we're irate.

 

We unwillingly pick up the behaviors of the people we are around be it good or bad. The behaviors we see, sow seeds into our subconscious and if not dealt with those behaviors shows themselves in our lives and can start to change us. For example, I'm having a great day, things are going well and I'm looking on the bright side of every situation I encounter. I meet up with a friend, family member, my spouse, etc who is always negative; they always think of the worse part of a situation and never has anything good to say. I think nothing of it and go on about my life. This goes on for a while (I'm happy but hang out with negative people) and then one day I'm in a situation that usually doesn't affect me but today it did a little (this is the first sign). I know this isn't like me but I ignore it and don't call it out for what it is (someone else's funk getting all on me) so this behavior starts to grow. I started to notice these behaviors that are unlike me and before I know it I'm acting out of character; I'm yelling, getting offended, going off on people and looking at things negatively. What happened? I didn't nip the "out of character behaviors" in the bud when they first showed themselves. I don't like being negative and the good thing is I can fix this; I acknowledged the issue, went to the root of it and changed my surroundings. I don't let negativity take up my time anymore; when I start to feel others funk get on me I politely excuse myself from the situation.

 

No one likes negatively; we all want a life that is positive and we can have it too if we do what it takes to have it. We have to protect what we allow our eyes to see, our ears to hear and our mouths to speak as well as pay attention to who we fellowship with. We have to be aware of who we allow to use up our precious time; we all love our families, friends, and spouses but that doesn't mean we have to be subject to their negativity. We don't have to be negative just because the people we're around is and when we catch ourselves acting out of character we have to learn to 'Shake it Off'!

 

Loving you with Honesty,

Dr. Jeanelle

Tags: Drama Free Living, Dr. Jeanelle, Honesty, Character, Shake it off
Read More
Hits: 139

The Walking Dead Season 2 Finale

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Monday, 19 March 2012 Category Horror / SyFy 0 Comment

The Walking Dead Zombie

 

The Walking Dead

Season 2 Finale Recap

 

Wow is all that I can say for the Season 2 Finale of The Walking Dead on AMC TV. I have always been a big fan of scary movies; the more blood, guts and killing there is, the more I'm in heaven and the Walking Dead delivers! Its one of the best shows on tv and its not even on the SyFy channel. AMC TV has given us zombi-heads a show that we can watch until the end of time. The writing is dark and entising; it keeps us on our toes guessing whats going to happen next. Season 2 lived up to our expectations and we are looking forward to Season 3.

Ok, where do I begin with this The Season Finale episode? First Lets talk about how happy we are that Shane is no longer in the picture! He was going crazy acting as if Carl and his mother belonged to him. He then felt like it was ok to kill off Otis and then that new kid they were keeping hostage. He wasnt thinking clearly and once he stepped to Rick it was time to settle the score. Rick needed to put him in check and I guess chanking him would do that...lol But then what happens? OMG Shane turns; He turns into a Walker. Cray Cray...I couldnt believe it but oh how it made for a great way for him to truly die. He died that way he behaved in the end...Crazy!

Second why isnt anyone putting Carl in his place. He is a 10 year old boy that has started a lot of problems by bringing a walker to the camp last week that killed Dale and this week because of the head shot he shot off at Shane (who by the way turned into a walker himself), the noise brought thousands of walkers to the barn (Hurshals Barn). They were overran and had to leave and find new shelter but that wont be easy seeing theres walkers migrating everywhere.

Third, OMG Andrea (who to me acts like shes all that) got seperated from the group and is fighting hundreds of zombies on her on. Now grant it, Im not too fond of her but she was a "bad ass" this epidode for sure! As shes running through the forrest shes uses all of her ammo and has to fend for herself with just her knives and the handles of her empty guns. That is until shes is saved by a mysterious hooded "savior" who by the way has two armless zombies on chains like dogs. I wonder who this hooded person is and how in the heck did he or she trained these two zombies like dogs?!

Finally, The Prison!!!! What will this mean for the remainder of the group? Will they bump into friends or foes when they reach it? Is that a safe haven or are will it be their death sentence? Is that where the helicopter (in the beginning of the episode) was going? So many open-ended questions that we have to wait until the fall to have answered and I can't wait!

Thank you writers of The Walking Dead for giving us Baby Boomer Babies a show to watch that takes us back to our "Return of the Living Dead" days. We needed a show that would give us the real deal of a zombie apocalypse and you've done it! Bravo!!

 

Dr. Jeanelle

Tags: AMC TV, Shane, Living Dead, Walkers, Prison, Carl, Rick, Zombies, The Walking Dead
Read More
Hits: 257

Dont Be Anyone Else

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Saturday, 17 March 2012 Category Dr. Jeanelle™ 0 Comment

Don't Be Anyone Else....

But Yourself!

 

 

Self Hate - something a lot of people go through and suffer alone. Its a lonely feeling and can consume those who are not keen on how to deal with it. Just the other day I met someone who was going through depression, I asked him what was going on and he said that he doesn't like who he is or the life that he's living. He told me that when he looks at the lives of others he feels like they are living better than he is and that he wishes he was as successful as they are. He just kept going on an on about how much he didn't like who he was and I stopped him and told him that he was a "Self Bully"! He looked at me in shock and said, with attitude I might add (lol), "I don't bully myself" and I told him yes he does and if he didn't stop he was never going to live the life he deserved!

 

Self Bullying is something that is done more frequently than we know. People constantly compare themselves to others OR they allow themselves to become someone they are not in order to please the people they are around. Both are life damaging and unless they are aware of what they are doing to themselves they will live this way forever. All of us were born to be successful; we all have something we are good at and our journey in life is finding out what that is and then doing it. Where the problem comes in is that most see what others are doing and wish that THAT was what they were doing. People look at other peoples lives and think that just because that life looks glamourous on the outside its glamourous on the inside and sometimes that is not the case. Society has portrayed what a perfect life is and what they show as "perfect" isn't "perfect" for everyone. Your "perfect" wont be My perfect and thats ok as long as we all Know what our OWN PERFECT is! Once you find out what "Your Perfect Is" you'll feel fulfilled.

 

The Person that People keep trying NOT TO BE is usually the Person that they need to pay attention to because thats the Person that will get them to their destiny. Let me give you an example. I have always believed that it is important for people to know the truth about a situation and when my clients come to me for a session I am very honest and truthful. This is hard for some because truthfulness is usually hurtful, hard to swallow and controversial. So because I am this way I have lost clients, business opportunities and friends, which puts me in a situation where I have to chose to be myself or be someone that is easier for others to deal with. Every day this is a hard decision I have to make because I love helping my clients, my friends and family however I love myself and what I do so in the end I have to choose to be myself. My clients knowing the truth is more important than them liking me!

 

I know being yourself can be scary; you don't know how people are going to take you and it puts you out there to be scrutinized and rejected but until you know WHO you are you cant BE YOU, the real you. There is a great person hiding on the inside of you and when you accept that person you'll figure out what your Perfect Life is!

 

Loving you through Honesty,

 

Dr. Jeanelle

http://www.DrJeanelle.com

Tags: Confidence, Family, Counseling, Life Coach, Self Bullying, Self Hate, Self Love
Read More
Hits: 151

Intervention - Addiction and Parents

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Wednesday, 22 February 2012 Category Dr. Jeanelle™ 0 Comment

Addiction

how families play a part in avoiding it...

 

 

Just last night, February 20, 2012, I watched an episode of Intervention which airs on A&E (http://www.aetv.com) on Mondays. Intervention is a hit show that shows us the life of addicts; it gives us back story on their lives, their family dynamics, the intervention concluding with where they are now. Having my Doctorate in Counseling, I sympathize and empathize with each addict and last night was no different.

 

This particular episode was about two addicts, Jessa and Skyler, who are in their early 20's. Each of them had their own story. Jessa was hooked on Methamphetamine (http://www.mappsd.org/Signs%20&20Symptons.htm) as well as being an alcoholic. Skyler was hooked on the 'NEW' drug "Bath Salt" (www.visionteen.com/2011/02/bath-salts-not-for-you-average-soak/). Yes, you are seeing correctly, kids are now getting high off of bath soap. Both of theses drugs affect addicts and their families negatively; meth and bath salt tear families apart and cause resentment between parents and the addicts. Addicts start stealing from family members, they fight them, and put them through hell. It doesn't have to end badly, as long as parents actively take a role in keeping kids sober.

 

In order to have a great outcome it takes parents encouraging kids. I know that seems like a cliche but its the truth. As soon as our kids are born they yearn for the attention acceptance and love of parents. They want to be loved by us unconditionally and thats not an unreasonable request. Jessa's addiction to meth and alcohol stemmed from her mom not accepting that she was gay; She felt alone and betrayed. Skyler's addiction to bath salt derived from his mother pushing him to live out HER dreams and ignoring his. His father left him and his mother when he was very young and it left a negative taste in his mouth towards his dad mom and ultimately himself. When parents don't love their kids unconditionally and are overly or selfishly critical it opens doors for depression, self loathing ultimately opening the door to possible addiction.

 

Our kids just want to be loved; they want us to accept them for who they are 'right now' not for what they could become. Pressuring our kids to be perfect sets them up for failure, it gives them a false hope that people will only accept them if they are perfect. Every day I remind my kids of their worth, even when they are pressing every single button I have. I love them and want them to succeed and so I don't let my emotions control how I interact with them. Its important to their growth and success in life. Loving on our kids will only keep them on the right track. We are all that they have and if we aren't taking the time to impart into them we are leaving it up to the world to impart into them.

 

Towards the end Jessa and Skyler both took the gift of treatment but only Jessa truly recovered. Success comes from having family support; Jessa's family had her back and her recovery was a success. Her mom came around and they are now getting along and speaking to each other. Skyler on the other hand, his parents continued to criticize him and he continues to use bath salt. I hope that last nights episode of Intervention brought up a red flag for parents who watched. Give kids a chance to grow into their dreams, love them unconditionally it will make a big difference in the outcome of their adult lives.

 

Peace Love Happiness Drama-Free

Dr. Jeanelle

Tags: Teens, Kids, Acceptance, Love, Parents, Drugs, Bath Soap, Methamphetamine, Mondays, Family, Dr. Jeanelle, Skyler, Jessa, recovery, aetv.com, A&E, Addiction, Intervention
Read More
Hits: 185

Roller Skating with MS

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Sunday, 05 February 2012 Category Dr. Jeanelle™ 0 Comment

Roller Skating with MS

 

MS, or Muscular Sclerosis, a painful dis-ease, that for me, is just plain inconvenient. It has tried to affect me for the past 11 years; there were times when MS would have me in bed for days but today is different. Today I decided that I was going to do something I haven't done in a long time. I was going to go to the beach to go roller skating. Yes, in spite of what I was physically feeling I wanted to show MS I am in control.

 

According to WebMD.com every day people with MS deal with such symptoms as:

 

Tingling

Numbness

Loss of balance

Weakness in one or more limbs

Blurred or double vision

Less common symptoms of MS may include:

Slurred speech

Sudden onset of paralysis

Lack of coordination

Cognitive difficulties

As the disease progresses, other symptoms may include muscle spasms, sensitivity to heat, fatigue, changes in thinking or perception, and sexual disturbances.

 

MS, is a dis-ease that will have a patient feeling hopeless and unhappy; if allowed MS will interrupt your life and ultimately end it if not 'dealt with' properly. Finding out that you have MS is horrifying. You're not sure of your future and you're left feeling alone. I'm here to tell you that you don't have to feel that way. You don't have to let this dis-ease control your life; You Can Live and Do everything you want.

 

When I was told that I have MS, I had two choices: 1) Let MS control me or 2) Me control the MS. I chose the latter. I didn't want to be limited, even though MS limits people. Yes, its a dis-ease that is incurable but that shouldn't be an excuse to give it more power than it deserves. How we react to a diagnosis determines how that diagnosis will progress. If when we are told a bad report we purpose to look on the bright side we give our bodies opportunity to put out positive signals to our brain and not negative ones.

 

Every morning I make up my mind to look at having MS as a blessing; I get to be home when my boys come home from school and I am able to blog and write when I want. I know to most, that may not be enough but for me it is. I look at the small things that lead up to the big picture. I'm alive, am still in my right mind and I can do MOST of the things I like to do. Yes it takes me a longer to walk my dogs or comb my hair but I can still do these things. MS wont beat me but I will beat MS.

 

 

Peace Love Happiness Drama-Free

Dr. Jeanelle

Tags: MS Symptoms, WebMD, Health, Sons, Mother, Strength, Venice Beach, Santa Monica Beach, Roller Skates, Roller Skating, MS
Read More
Hits: 171

Happy New Year

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Saturday, 03 December 2011 Category Dr. Jeanelle™ 0 Comment

Dr. Jeanelle™Happy New Year

Making it Your Best

2011 is ending and tomorrow a New Year begins; we will have 365 brand new days to work toward our dreams, our goals, our lives! We get a new start and should take advantage of this opportunity.

Every year we 'make a New Year resolution'; most of us talk about what we will do differently. We talk about how we'll REALLY work toward our goals this time. It's something we have all done but this year, 2012, our intentions need to be followed up by Action. No matter how much we want to have a different life if we aren't doing something toward making that goal a reality it just remains a goal not a reality.

Nothing Just Happens! There are steps to success; there are steps we should take to obtain our goals. First, we must write down our goals. Putting our goals down on paper as a reminder to ourselves keeps us focused! This Vision Board (words and pictures of our dreams and goals on a board) will Motivate us to reaching what we see! Unfortunately, there are going to be days when we want to give up but if we take the time to make our Vision Board and keep it before our eyes and meditate on it daily Giving Up won'tbe an option.

Second, we have to research our goals. In order to be successful we have to have knowledge; knowing is half the battle. What you know about your goals will determine if this goal is 'for you' and how far you are willing to go in obtaining them. We can't do any better if we don't know any better! Knowledge of what you want gives you the advantage of being your best. You'll need to know everything you possibly can so that you are equipped to make the decisions necessary to succeed.

Third, share! Every chance you get share your dreams; let people know what you're doing because you never know what can conspire. Not everyone will 'see' the vision but the ones who do will be impressed and intrigued to help.

Take this New Year as a chance to rebirth your dreams. You can do anything you set your mind to!

Peace*Love*Happiness*DrameFree

Dr. Jeanelle™

Tags: Dreams, Drama Free Living, Motivation, Vision Board, Goals, Business, Success, New Year Resolutions, 2012, Happy New Year
Read More
Hits: 154

Two Weeks and Counting

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Saturday, 06 August 2011 Category Mom S.W.A.G. 0 Comment

Marqueze Gordon's Graduation

Two Weeks and Counting

(before my oldest baby is off to NY)

 

I have two weeks before I take my oldest to NY for his first year away from home. He starts college at New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts and every day I continue to prepare myself. The closer it gets, the more and more I get mothers asking me "How am I doing?" and I have to be honest - I have my moments.

I knew the closer the time arrived that that "natural" anxiety (that everyone gets), would rear it's little head and try to take me down and I had to figure out a way to be a mom who misses her baby but could still function. Separation anxiety is toxic; it causes us to become stagnant because we are so caught up in the life we became accustomed to. It causes us to be so focused on the past that we can enjoy the great things to come in our future.

Just a week ago I went to my oldest son's room to tell him that I’m going to miss him when he's in NY and that I didn't like the anxiety connected to missing him. He looked at me and said "well we have been together for 18 years mom so it's gonna be different but we will Skype all of the time" (we'll see about that but at least his heart is in the right place. Lol). After he and I talked, I took some time to figure out WHY I had this anxiety; what exactly was I feeling yucky about. I hate having a bad feeling but when I have it for No Concrete reason...I'm furious. I do not like being led by feelings because they change often but that's another article.

I started asking myself questions: 1) what was I afraid of, 2) was I actually just afraid of the change or 3) was it me hanging on our "old" relationship, scared of the uncertain relationship that we were about to build? I realized it was number 3 and when I understood I was able to come up with a "soul"ution. I had to renew the way I thought about the situation giving me the arsenal needed to combat these emotions that were trying to hold me back from a future I prayed for my son and myself.

We get so caught up in "What was" that we are missing out on what is and what will be. These feelings of missing him that were trying to come up weren’t really concrete because I was missing times in our relationship that'll never be again. I will not be his first call when times get hard, he'll fix his own problems, and he’ll find others to confide in. He is going to make decisions without me and won't feel the need to talk to me daily; he's growing up. I was missing a relationship that was for a period in our lives when I need to embrace the new relationship that is about to emerge.

I'm teaching myself to be excited that He and I will be able to talk as adults; he will be able to relate to me in a different way than before. He's going to be able to experience life and build the confidence only obtainable when you leave the nest. I don't like being emotionally ruled and this isn't any different. I know its "normal" to be bent out of shape or an emotional wreck to see your baby grow up and move across the country but I am going to focus on the "soul"ution and not the challenge! I'm going to continue to pray for his success and covering while look forward to building a relationship with a more independent person.

 

Giving you "Soul"utions for a S.W.A.G. ® Life,

Dr. Jeanelle - the SWAG Doc®

"Soul"ution Strategist®/Founder/Business Lady

Http://www.IronWoManInc.com

Tags: Sons, Mothers, Moms, Soulutions, New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts, NY, New York
Read More
Hits: 317

Real Love Is...

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Wednesday, 03 August 2011 Category Living 365 Days of S.W.A.G. 0 Comment

IJS Clothing

Real Love is...

 

Love endures long and is patient and

                kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is

                not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself

                haughtily.  It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is

                Not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love

                (Gods love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its

                own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no

                account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].  It does not rejoice at injustice and

                unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth

                prevail.  Love bears up under anything and

                everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes

                are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without

                weakening].  Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or

                comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and

                purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues,

                they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will

                Pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth]. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 AMP)

 

We are all in search of love, but to Get Love is to Walk in Love. We’ve got to sow what we want to receive and in order to do that we've got to know the foundation of love. What's the basic meaning of love?

The beautiful words you just read are what the creator of Love says "Real love" is; He knows that if we can master loving the way it was intended to be expressed, what we search for in our mate will come. You've just got to do some work; adjust how you look at love and how you express love.

I was in search for love my whole life; I dated the wrong men "for me" but knew I wanted and deserved better! I wanted to be loved the way the Bible said I'm supposed to be loved and give love the right way as well. After the bumps and bruises in my "love" life I decided I was not settling again! I made a change in my life; I renewed my mind with the words you read in the beginning and began to work on incorporating that into my life/behavior habits.

I got my prince charming and it's because I based how I would "love" him on what I learned about love. I just want you to know your love is out there waiting for you too. We are going to go over each line together, in the next few weeks, to make sure you're prepared for your mate. Sometimes we have what we need AND want standing right in front of us and digging deep into this will help you see life and love in the way it was intended!

I'll see you next time!

Dr. Jeanelle - the SWAG Doc. ™

Http://www.TheSWAGDoc.com

Tags: Bible, Success, Life, Marriage, Mate, Love, God
Read More
Hits: 232

Jim Dailakis - Is he a Momma's Boy

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Thursday, 07 July 2011 Category Momma's Boys 0 Comment

Jim Dailakis

"Momma's Boys"

~ How Moms Influence Their Sons to be Successful ~

 

Boys are a bread all their own! They are known to be rough and tough and have energy most women know nothing about and yet they have a positive side and a soft calm side of them not often acknowledged. These are the two sides Dr. Jeanelle Lanham plans to share with the world through her "Momma's Boy" Project. The "Momma's Boy" Project came to life because Dr. Jeanelle was a single mother raising two boys on her own; her experiences as a mother of boys and a Teen Counselor opened her eyes to the way the world viewed boys and she wanted to change that view.

For over 10 years, Dr. Jeanelle conducted the study The Lanham Group's Mother and Son Study on how boys receive correction and whether they followed through or not. The findings led Dr. Lanham to recognize that boys receive correction from their moms differently than from their dads; the boys showed signs of wanting to "impress" their mothers (a female) a little more than they wanted to impress their dad (a male). Studies showed that each gender desired to get approval from the other gender more than they desired it from the same gender; we tend to compete against the same gender. Our boys desire to have their mothers active in their lives and when they receive it, they succeed.

Being a "Momma's Boy" normally has a negative connotation but with this Project we are going to turn that around. Dr. Jeanelle is going to show that being a "Momma's Boy" doesn't mean a son is weak or any less of a man. Rather, her interviews will show that being a "Momma's Boy" can also mean being a strong successful male loved and supported by his mother.

A Mom's love and guidance is important for the future of how our Young Men: view women, treat women, and treat their family. Here's a look at Jim Dailakis and his relationship with his mother.

 

Jim's Interview

 

Having a close relationship with his mother is one of the things Jim Dailakis is linking to his success. Jim's mother arrived in Perth, Australia all the way from Greece, all on her own when she was just 13 years old. She managed to take care of herself, that is, until she met the love of her life, Jim's dad.

With Jim's dad working, his mother had to care of Jim and his two sisters alone, while the family was struggling financially. Mrs. Dailakis strength and ability to manage a family, a home, be a positive role model and raise her children successfully is what Jim used as an anchor for his success. Take a look!

 

First I want to thank you for taking the time to speak with me. Let's start out by having you introduce yourself.

 

1) Name: Jim Dailakis

 

2) Hometown: (City/State) Perth, Australia.

 

3) Current City/State: New York, New York.

 

4) Thank you _Jim__ for taking time to speak with us today on "Momma's Boy" Blog. Jim, you are a successful man and a great example to all young men and our readers are very interested in finding out what's new with you and we're going to talk about current and future projects in a moment. But first, lets talk about how you got to this point in your life. We hear a lot of negative things about young men today and our readers would like to know what challenges if any did you face as a teenage boy?

 

One of the challenges I faced as a really young boy was bullying. I looked remarkably like a pretty girl and I was weak and lacked confidence. As a teenager, I took up martial arts, discovered Bruce Lee, Rocky and Al Pacino and my life changed considerably in a positive direction. This is the subject of my one-man show. Being bullied, confronting my own weaknesses and transforming into a confident, strong and determined individual. I believe if I did it, anyone can. I used humor quite a lot to get by. It definitely alleviated a lot of the stress. That's why I'm also looking forward to doing more motivational humor speeches to help others overcome their weaknesses.

 

5) Some boys have a hard time coping with adverse situations and it can cause them to take a more unfavorable route. Did your Mom play a part in motivating you to do great things?

 

My mother was an actress... not professional actress but a damn good one. I believe she won an award. She could also sing. This is how she met my father who was always overflowing with confidence at an incredibly great dancer. They were both in a romantic tragic Greek play and life imitated art because they fell in love for real and got married.

 

My mother was always extremely supportive of anything I wanted to do providing it didn't hurt me or anyone else. When I told her I wanted to go to New York to study acting at the same place Al Pacino studied, she was sad because of the distance but very supportive. To this day she often tells me that if I'm happy, no matter how much she might be missing me, then she knows she's done a good job. She's very selfless like that.

 

The other thing she taught me was to be very respectful of myself and others. Because of her, I have such an incredible and deep admiration and understanding of women and in my standup talk about how the fairer sex is also the stronger and smarter sex. :-)

 

6) Were you and your mom close?

 

Yes and we still are. My whole family is very close and I consider it one of my greatest blessings.

 

7) What do you remember most about your mom when you were young?

 

How selfless she was. She's the epitome of the devoted mother. She always kept us clean and well behaved. She was a loving disciplinarian. I still have memories of her overwhelming sensitivity not only towards us but to everyone. I've often said that if everybody had my mother as their parent, there'd probably be no wars.

 

8) Was it important to you to get your moms approval?

 

Yes. Because she was so sensible, I knew that if there was ever any indication of disapproval, she was probably right. Looking back both of my parents were right almost 99% of the time.

 

9) We always hear negative connotation with the title "Momma's Boy" where you ever called a Momma's boy and did it affect you in a negative way?

 

I would say I was the exact opposite of a mama's boy. It's an enormous misconception to believe that you're a mama's boy if you're close to your mother or if you respect her. I will admit that there are some Greeks that have their mother do everything for them. If that's the case then I'm the antithesis of this stereotype. Both my mother and my father taught me to be self-sufficient and self-reliant, especially when I turned 12.

 

10) There is a positive connotation associated with being called a Daddy's girl and I as a mother think that it should be the same for being called a Momma's Boys. When hear the name Momma's Boy do you feel proud to be called that or does it upset you?

 

It has way too many negative connotations. It's mostly reserved for men and women who have become adult spoiled brats. This may not be the case but it's definitely the first thing people think of when you use those two phrases. In fact, I was somewhat reluctant to do this interview because of that title so I guess that proves my point. :-).

 

11) Before we talk about what's new with you is there anything you'd like to say to or about your Mom or that Special Female influence in your life?

 

She's the salt of the earth, kind, gentle, loving extremely sensitive, unbelievably selfless and devoted to her family beyond anything I've ever seen. I'm so grateful I came to this earth through her. Interestingly, I've been influenced by a lot of females as well, especially pertaining to my comedy career. Rita Rudner, Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball, Ellen DeGeneres were the comedians I've always looked forward to watching and learning from. As a kid, Meryl Streep and her talents blew my mind. Of course, I also had my male influences that were all very macho... Bruce Lee, Stallone, Schwarzenegger, DeNiro and so on.

 

12) Thank you so much for being a positive role model to young men. So let's talk about what's going on Now. Any projects you can share with the readers?

 

As mentioned, my movie project, one that I wrote as a vehicle for myself, already has a distribution deal. It's called All My Friends Are Getting Married. I cannot believe the caliber of talent it has attracted. All I need is for the financing to come through (which isn't a lot) and we're ready to go. The beauty with this one is that investors will not have to worry about their movie sitting on the shelf. The distribution deal has already been signed.

 

My one-man show, Conversations with Myself and the Celebrities in My Head is currently going through rewrites. It deals a lot with being bullied and transforming myself with the help of all the celebrities I was influenced by. I basically play about 15 characters. Bruce Lee talks to me at the same time as Sylvester Stallone talks to me, as they talk to each other and to Dustin Hoffman and Al Pacino all at the same time. I go in and out of all the characters very quickly. It should be a lot of fun. I'm shooting for a January 2012 opening date in New York City.

 

Also, I'm looking forward to inspiring others with my career as a motivational humorist. It's a lot of fun to be the catalyst for a room full of happy people when it comes to being a comedian so I'm looking forward to not only making people laugh, but inspiring them at the same time and alleviating a lot of their stress.

 

Conclusion: Jim, thanks again for being a part of the "Momma's Boy" Project. I appreciate you and your mother sharing your relationship with our readers. Im sure it touched their lives like it did mine. Your relationship proves that a mothers presence is important in the live of their sons.

Before you go, please share with our readers how they can get more information about your future shows and projects?

 

Thank you for having me. I enjoyed sharing my mother’s story and our relationship with you. As for my information your readers can go to http://www.comedianjim.com. Thanks again for this opportunity.

 

Tags: Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Meryl Streep, Women, Sisters, New York, Greek, Al Pacino, Rocky, Bruce Lee, Bullying, Teenager, Comedian, Comedy, Family, Momma's Boy, Moms and Sons, Sons, Moms, Mothers, Jim Dailakis
Read More
Hits: 296

Starting over - From Atlanta to Arizona

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Thursday, 30 June 2011 Category Mom S.W.A.G. 0 Comment

Starting Over!

Starting over can be scary; once we have been around something for a while even if it's bad for us we'd rather stay where we're more familiar. I don't like drama so it wasn't scary for me to pick up and move in the past because I moved where family lived or I was moving during my time in the Army! This time though was different; I knew I had to make a change but a change that would really make a difference in my life and now the life of my two boys. I was moving where I knew no one; I wanted to go where No One knew my name!

I moved to Atlanta in September of 1993 with my 5 month old baby boy and $150. We lived with my aunt and that was something all in itself, but I appreciate her for letting us stay. In 1995 I had my second baby boy and boy was it hard to have two boys and myself living in a bedroom but at the time that's all that I could do because my aunt wasn’t charging me rent since I was only temping and raising to boys as a single mom.

As time passed, I met people built relationships and found my church World Changers Church now World Changers Church International (WCCI). Within these relationships I started realizing things about myself, things I liked but was afraid to show because of the views of others and things I didn't like but didn't know how to change. These things caused me to make bad decisions leading me into a relationship I should have know was wrong but ignored.

I started temping at a new job and met my first husband. He was nothing that I prayed for but I settled because I thought it would change my life. Well it did just not in the best of ways. He was so negative to me and my boys and made me feel like crap all of the time and that just wasn’t cutting it. The stress of a bad marriage and wanting to be anywhere else than where I was caused me to get sick, physically. I was diagnosed with MS & Fibromyalgia and somehow this was too much on him so he cheated and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It took me a year after I found out to leave but thank God I did! I knew we deserved better; I knew that my boys needed a real example of what a man should be and they weren't really getting that as an example. I had to get out, so I made a plan.

We all have some point in our lives when we are at a cross road and need to make a change. It's when we feel like everything is falling to pieces and life is sucking the life out of us. Atlanta was doing just that...it was sucking the life out of me and if I would have stayed I truly believe I would have died a slow death.

So 7 years ago June 27, 2004 I had made a big decision to leave my family and that abusive relationship / life behind and move to Arizona. I didn't know anyone here so I researched Arizona online and I loved what I read and began the process. I found a house, had the utilities turned on and had already met the neighbors all before we got there! It was so amazingly awesome because I to a chance. I stepped out on faith knowing that if I really wanted the change I prayed for I had to be the change. Moving here has been the best move of my life because God blessed my courage to do something different.

Don't let fear of change stop you from Starting Over! You (and God) can do anything! We all know when "it's time" so Ask Him to guide you on this journey. He'll make sure you succeed just rely on Him and take a leap of Faith!

 

Peace* Love* Happiness

Dr. Jeanelle

Http://www.DrJeanelleMarshawn.com

 

Tags: Dr. Jeanelle, Prayer, Church, Disability, Fibromyalgia, Muscular Distrophy, MS, Help, Abuse, WCCI, Arizona, Atlanta, Moms, Starting Over
Read More
Hits: 289

When a Mom comes into her own

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Friday, 24 June 2011 Category Living 365 Days of S.W.A.G. 1 Comment

40 year old mom

I'll be 40 next year and I'm so excited because it seems the older I get the more I realize certain things aren't as important as we think they are when we're younger. I am excited about turning 40, it means a more established and happy me. I'm coming into my own in spite of the struggles I've had with my own "things". I made a decision this year that I would look a certain way by the time I was the big 4 0; so I started a makeover. I got braces (because I hated my smile) and I decided, after 10 years, to grow my hair again, this time for me.

I have always thought I was ok looking but felt if I changed a few things I'd be happier with myself, a little prettier so I decided to fix the things I could and at the same time appreciate the things that I couldn't. You know the things God gave me that make me beautiful to Him. It was a struggle being confident but after I realized HOW I got that way (not liking myself) I worked hard at changing.

Being compared to other women most of my life affected me in everything that I did; it became a habit for me to do the same to myself. I struggled with low self image and esteem from an early age and well into my 20's. I would look at myself and find every imperfection I had. I knew the way I felt about myself wasn't what was best for me, it wasn't healthy mentally, physically and spiritually. I knew hating myself was wrong and I didn't want to feel that way anymore so I did something about it. I renewed my mind with the truth about who I am. I had to learn not to compare myself, my success, My Portion to anyone else’s because every one of us is different and has their part of the pie of life. I realized that I won't have exactly what they have but that's ok because what I do get is for me and my purpose. Once I started accepting that, things started to change in my thinking and then my life.

I wanted to be confident; I wanted to have S.W.A.G™ (Strength Wisdom Assurance Greatness™). I wanted to walk into a room and not care what anyone thought about me and to do this I had to change the way I thought about myself. Every time I said or thought something negative about myself I combated it with a positive statement. What we think about ourselves we become and I wanted to think great things about myself so I started confessing things over myself (like: I am beautiful! I am not a sum of my mistakes! God accepts me! I am special and I have my own purpose and don’t need to compare myself to anyone! Etc) and my mind about who I am and will become started to shift. Our WORDS create our THINKING which creates our EMOTIONS then our DECISIONS followed by our ACTIONS creating our HABITS which forms our CHARACTER (what we do when no one’s looking!) ultimately carrying us to our DESTINATION! So speak what you want to see.

I like myself and I believe in myself and I make it a habit to say it to myself every day. We are all challenged at some point with comparing ourselves to the Jones’s but if we learn to accept that we all have "our own" success, "our own" reason to be here, we can start to live a better life. None of us are the same therefore none of us will have the same exact life style but we will have ours!

You're special and have a special something about you that is needed. Find your greatness, find your niche and work it. Take time every day to remind yourself there's none that can compare to you!

 

Heart you,

Peace* Love* Happiness*

Dr. Jeanelle Lanham

Tags: Greatness, Assurance, Wisdom, Strength, SWAG, Confidence, Hair, Braces, 40, Mothers, Moms, Self Esteem
Read More
Hits: 368

Boys Men Fathers Dads

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Saturday, 18 June 2011 Category Uncategorized 1 Comment

Fathers Day

Boys to Men to Fathers to Dads

It's Father's Day weekend and it's our one time to celebrate Fathers or men for that matter. As a mom, I've noticed that this day is usually combined with graduation and doesn't get its "own" day or recognition and I believe this has something to do with how we view men and Dads as a whole! Any man can be a Father but not every Man/Father can be a Dad!

As a person whose biological father wasn't around and a mom of boys whose biological father was not around, I myself did not care about this holiday until I married a man who I felt "deserved" to be celebrated as a Dad. He stepped in, helped raise my two boys and loved them as if they were from His own loins. He not only showed me and the boys that there are Men who can be Dads, he also showed us there are men who are WILLING to be a Dad. He became an example to them and me!

We as a society recognize there's a big problem with some men not sticking around to be a part of their kids' lives but we can't put all of that on them. These men (fathers) were babies first, innocent loving babies; babies that had something happen or not happen to them causing them to decide to walk away from responsibility. Nothing just happens!

We are all a product of our lives, what we've seen and heard has shaped our thinking and behavior and if "leaving" is all that our boys/young men have seen and experienced, that is what they'll believe as the "truth". We can create a different truth, a positive truth for this generation and generations to come. We just have to put in some work and be dedicated to making a difference for our boys. As a single mom for 13 years, it was my responsibility to teach my boys that just because their father left doesn't mean they had anything to do with it, nor did they have to be like him. I also made sure to tell them to remember this feeling and to never put their kids through this because there’s no reason a father should not be around for their kid. I knew I had to take this opportunity to take a negative situation and teach them that in spite of his absence they still have a bright future ahead of them. It was my goal to let them know 'Yes a father figure in our lives makes a difference but if things don't pan out that way we can STILL be ok'!

I encourage them every day by reminding them of their worth; I tell them how much I love them and how great of men are and will become! I made sure to TELL them that even though their father wasn't around, when they needed to talk to a man, talk to God because the Word says God is a Father to the Fatherless (Psalms 68:5 A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation). I took the time to impart positive things in them every day and I never said anything bad about their father. It was important for THEM to forgive regardless of the hurt and that’s what they were taught! I know that if boys aren't taught how to be responsible they won't be responsible and the only way my boys would know how to be responsible was if I taught them to be [responsible] so I made sure they learned early.

I took having boys as an honor and a chance to raise up a new generation of Boys/Men/Fathers/Dads, ones who'll give their gender a positive connotation and pass it on to their boys and so on. I love being a mom to boys and as that mom I know it is my responsibility to raise my boys (and any who I encounter) to be men who will not only be fathers but dads!

 

Peace * Love * Happiness

Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn (Lanham)

Http://www.TheSWAGDoc.com

Tags: Family, Fathers and Sons, Moms and Sons, Sons, Fathers Day
Read More
Hits: 292

Mommy Dont Get Mad

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Monday, 13 June 2011 Category Mom S.W.A.G. 0 Comment

Mom and SonOnly a few more months and my youngest will have his driver’s license or will at least have the chance to test for them, I haven't decided if he's ready yet. I say that because tonight he comes home from hanging out with his friends and he tells me that he lost his glasses. I became furious and walked away before I went there; I didn't want to yell at him or make him think I thought he'd done this on purpose, but how do you lose a pair of glasses on your way home? My mother-ness wanted to come out screaming "Do you know how much glasses cost? I don't have money to spend on glasses. You're paying for them out of your allowance"! Like I said, initially I was a little P.O'd.

My plan was to calmly go into his room, ask what happened and go from there. Well that didn't really work out, I went back in his room to ask him what happened but as soon as he opened his mouth to answer I was screaming at him. I know I know...I hate screaming too; I hated when my mother screamed at me and I vowed I'd never scream at my kids, well at least not for crazy reasons lol. Needless to say I had to walk out of his room again to get my composure so that I could talk with him and not at him. I don’t like jumping to conclusions about how things happened because it's not fair but I'm not crazy and I know How things can go down with him when he's excited.

Ultimately my goal was to get the truth out of him, discuss how this could have been avoided, discuss the consequences and at the same time not make him feel condemned for losing them. I knew the only way I'd get a straight answer from him was if I was calm because just like adults our kids, especially our teens, like to be talked to like they matter and are being listened to. They want and deserve respect just like we do. I calmed down and tried it again; I took my emotions out of the situation and went in his room expecting to get information and understanding so that we could come up with a solution.

I could tell that he didn't want us to have this conversation and I don't blame him because omg you just got home from camp, things are going well and you lose your glasses. He could hear the upset-ness in my voice even though I was trying not to be upset. So he screams "mom I didn't do it on purpose"! When he said that I digressed because I could tell he was feeling uneasy and condemned. I told him to calm down I'm not mad at you but at the situation and then asked, Ok what happened? Well I was coming home and I was looking out of my friend’s car window and the wind blew them off. I looked at him, started to raise my voice again and was reminded to calm down because that's how you get answers. I had to think about his glasses and recalled how loose and flimsy they were; he'd bend over and they'd fall off so I know this was all possible. Hey, when you're slow to anger and walk in love you get insight on the things anger blinds you to.

I told him that I know he didn't lose his glasses on purpose but I hope he knows he should not have had his head out of the window of a moving car anyway. He looked at me with this "teenager look" as if to say I was just looking out the window my gosh it’s not my fault my glasses blew off and I gave him a "I wish you would look" as to say only dogs or kids who don’t know better sticks their heads out of a window. After our nonverbal communication he acknowledged I wasn't just being a witch of a mom (you know that teen moment where they think we just talk to talk) and admitted that I was actually right. I looked at him and told him that we'd figure out what to do.

I walked out of his room and decided not to allow this to steal my joy or cause a riff between my son and I and immediately after my decision, my spirit reminded me that our insurance covers a new pair of glasses a year and it’s time for his yearly eye exam anyway. I was so caught up in the situation that I wasn't thinking of the tools I already had to rectify the situation but once I was calm and I cleared my mind it all worked out. I told him about the insurance covering his glasses; he was so excited he hugged me and we talked about his time with his friends.

As moms we have a lot going on; we get so many opportunities to become agitated but if we work at staying calm and being slow to anger we don’t HAVE to fall into agitation. We hold down the home the family and sometimes a business or job and we are expected to do these things without a glitch. I know that may seem unfair but if we couldn't handle it God wouldn't have equipped us with the tools to do all of the things required of and from us. You can handle anything!

As a mom I am constantly working on being slow to anger because I know that I may be the only positive example my boys see and they need to see there's still good in this world. If not us moms then who?

When you feel yourself getting angry about stuff, step back, gather yourself, set your mind with calming positive Godly truths (*see below) and return to the situation not governed by your emotions but a clear mind.

Peace * Love * Happiness

Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn - The SWAG Doc.

www.TheSWAGDoc.com

  • I have a peaceful mind
  • Great is the peace of my children
  • Thank you that I hear you clearly on how to handle this situation
Tags: Mom and Sons, Family, Camp, Teenage Drivers, Driving, Sons, Moms
Read More
Hits: 203

Momma's Boy Press Release

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Saturday, 11 June 2011 Category Momma's Boys 0 Comment

Momma's Boys

"Momma's Boy" Press Release:

 

Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn Lanham aka The SWAG Doc. is looking for males raised and influenced by a powerful female figure. Whether it is or was your mother, grandmother, aunt or another woman who stood up in your life when you most needed, Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn wants to hear your story!

 

Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn and her team want to showcase your story to readers on her Blog "Momma's Boy". "Momma's Boy" was created by Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn to encourage young men to do their best in spite of challenges life may throw their way as well as encourage Mothers to be positive influencers to their sons.  

 

Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn's goal is to show readers Positive Men known and unknown to the public. Each Interview shows the importance of a Mother’s love to her son and how that love and guidance plays an important role in his success, giving a positive view to the words "Momma's Boy".

 

If you fit this criteria and you are available to answer interview questions please email us your bio, giving Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn insight on specific questions to ask. As a bonus we'd like to email interview questions for your Mom or "Female Influencer" if she's available to answer questions as well.

 

You can contact Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn at  This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it with any questions. You can find "Momma's Boy" at www.TheSWAGDoc.com.

 

Thanks in advance for your time. 

*Our team promotes via Twitter, Facebook and Press Releases.

 

Tags: Success, Family, Blog, Momma's Boy, Son, Sons, Mothers
Read More
Hits: 601

DAY 4 of Living 365 Days of S.W.A.G.

by The SwagDoc
The SwagDoc
Dr. Jeanelle Lanham-Gordon is a teen counselor (specializing in boys) that encou
User is currently offline
Wednesday, 08 June 2011 Category Living 365 Days of S.W.A.G. 2 Comments

SWAG Doc

Growing up we hear our parents and teachers tell us it's great to be different. Our uniqueness is encouraged when we are young but as we get older that changes; we are told to be normal and conform to what society says is "normal". My question is - What exactly Is Normal? To me normal is doing what comes natural not what is done by the majority.  

Today I overheard a couple of teenagers talking about what they wanted to do in life but how their parents wanted them to do and be something else. These teens were saying their parents felt their dreams were not realistic and they weren’t going to support them unless they chose to be normal and have normal careers. These teens just wanted to do something they enjoyed. One had natural talent in music and the other drew very well but these talents didn’t seem normal to their parents but it came natural to them.

I felt bad for them and recalled the same thing happening to me. I didn't want to do the normal thing and go to college right after high school; instead I wanted to go to the military. My mom and my high school counselor didn't agree but they had to realize this is what seemed natural for me to do at the time. I had to do what I was comfortable with, not what made them happy.

I have always been the "different" one in my family and my circle of friends; I wore clothes that were too big or inside out and my hair was Always dyed some crazy color and design, lol. I'm the one everyone talked about but ended up doing EXACTLY what they told me I was crazy for doing. I guess now that I am older and I know better, I can say I was a trend setter. It's funny though, because when I was younger I didn’t realize people talked about me because they want to be like me. They wish that they had the S.W.A.G™ (Strength Wisdom Assurance Greatness™) to express themselves like I did so instead of complimenting me, they chose to make fun of me and tell me to "act normal".

Well after years of trying to fit in and act normal, I decided that "I was going to act normal" and do what came natural to me; I started changing my hair color again and wearing clothes that expressed who I am. I got free and decided that I love being me and that my uniqueness makes me who I am.

We have to learn to embrace our uniqueness because God made us different for a reason. Normal is going to be different to everyone and that's ok because we are all here to accomplish the same thing in different ways and that's living successfully in every area of our lives.

It's ok to be different when we are kids and it's ok to be different once we are adults. Find your inner child; Express your uniqueness and be who you were created to be. Don't let anyone's disagreement stop you from searching out your dreams and purpose!

Peace * Love * Happiness

Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn

Tags: graduation, Parents, Teens, Teenagers, High School, Military, Life, Living, Natural, Normal
Read More
Hits: 171